In a few days, it will be Christmas, then New Year’s Day; good reasons to get together with family. But with these lovely gatherings also comes the famous question: Why are you still single? Here’s a little survival guide!

“A beautiful woman like you, how come you’re still single?” And guys are also harassed by their families: “You have a good job, when are you finally going to settle down?” There will always be an uncle or two, and a few aunts and cousins ​​to come and ask us these questions. It’s inevitable… and very irritating. Especially for someone who’s been single for several years. So, what can you do to avoid getting annoyed or angry?

First, remember that behind these questions are good intentions. Few people will inquire about our social status with the intention of persecuting us. Most people, when they ask, do so because they genuinely love us and think we’re wonderful. They want to see us happily married, surrounded by adorable children. 1 Corinthians 13:5 (NKJV) says that love “thinks no evil”. Let us be filled with enough love for our family to remember that they don’t want to rub salt in the wound; they want us to be happy.

We must also remember that most single people hope to get married; few are blessed with the gift of celibacy. By asking us why we are still single, our loved ones want to share our burden, in a way. It’s a way for them to empathize with our situation. Obviously, if we are not happy in our singleness, if we are not at peace in our waiting, questions from family will only add fuel to the fire. It is therefore important to have already allowed God to calm our souls in this area so that we are able to avoid being overwhelmed by negative emotions when the questioning begins.

Moreover, as in any other area, we must keep in mind that we need to deal with facts, not emotions. Although this area is obviously charged with emotions, we must strive to answer the questions posed to us from a purely factual perspective. That will require a great effort, but it is necessary. When we hear, “Why are you still single?”, we must choose not to see this question as an accusation or a personal attack.

A good way to respond rationally is to ask ourselves if the person asking the question truly wants an answer. We all know that sometimes, when people ask us, “How are you?”, they don’t really want to know how we are. Knowing that they don’t really have time to hear our feelings, we reply with a quick, “I’m fine.” But when someone sits across from us, looks us straight in the eye, and asks how we are, we know we really need to open our hearts. The same goes for the question of being single. If someone asks us this question while passing the dishes at the table, we can give a quick answer and change the subject. “I’m waiting for you to introduce me to someone!” we can reply with a laugh, changing the subject.

But if our kind, well-meaning aunt sits next to us and gently asks why we’re single, we can give a more detailed answer. “I’m working on myself so I can be the best I can be for a future partner.” No one can criticize us for wanting to be a better person. We’re not waiting to find the perfect person; we’re working on ourselves, what a beautiful attitude! Or we can choose to reply, “I don’t know, what do you think?” It’s about giving them a voice, so you have to talk less! Even if we don’t share their opinions, there’s no harm in listening. Who knows, we might even find some good ideas! Or, we can address their concerns while changing the direction of the conversation by saying, “I’m not worried, it’s coming. But tell me, how did you meet your spouse?” This way, we shift the focus to the other person, instead of the spotlight being on us. We’ll also easily find new topics of conversation as they tell their story.

Finally, if the questioning continues and threatens to disturb your peace, don’t hesitate to say you don’t want to talk about it anymore. If it’s a particular person who’s bothering you, change who you’re talking to.