A ladies’ brunch… A guy’s night out… It’s true that sometimes it’s more comfortable to participate in activities that bring together people of the same gender. But we also need to step out of our comfort zone because a mixed circle of friends is very enriching.
You’ve probably heard the famous adage: “Birds of a feather flock together.” It’s not surprising; it’s much more comfortable to be with people who share the same affinities and experiences as us. In fact, when it comes to romantic relationships, this phenomenon even has a name: homogamy (or social homogamy). It’s a factor that has been the subject of several studies in sociology and psychology. Most experts agree that homogamy is an undeniable phenomenon and is explained by all sorts of reasons.
Even if we’re not experts, we all know that it’s indeed easier to make new friends when we have a common bond. And when we are “just between girls” or “just between guys”, there are several conversation topics that are easier to broach. Especially when we’re single! Talking to someone of the opposite gender when we’re single can be very intimidating! So, it’s no surprise that at singles events, we see all the women on one side and the men on the other. Few brave souls can pivot from one group to the other with ease.
In many churches, there are ministries for men and ministries for women. This separation can be very edifying and fosters important social and spiritual discussions. But, admittedly, these gatherings are not very beneficial for singles. Moreover, even though Jesus had 12 male apostles, he always had a few women who followed him (Luke 8:1-3). The same is true for Paul, he was helped by women (Romans 16:1-2). We are a family in Christ, brothers and sisters, so it’s only natural to have a circle of friends that reflects the same family portrait.
Women and men don’t always have the same outlook on things. If we have friends of both genders in our social networks, we’ll be better equipped to understand the reactions of both sides in different situations. We’ll also be much less intimidated during our conversations. For example, when a woman never engages in mixed-gender activities, as soon as a man comes up to talk to her, she immediately starts thinking about marriage! “Maybe he’s the one?” And when a man never has any contact with a woman and one suddenly comes up to him, he turns red and says nothing but nonsense. Surrounding ourselves with mixed-gender friends allows us to be more relaxed around the opposite gender, and therefore to remain ourselves.
Christian couples form in all sorts of ways. Some meet at their local church or at Christian events. Others meet at work or even through online dating sites. But the most popular way to meet a life partner is through mutual friendships. Besides, a marriage is the union of two best friends. One more reason to try adding members of the opposite gender to your circle of friends.
How do you build a mixed-gender group? Organize a potluck or a board game (or other!) night and invite your acquaintances. If you’re a girl who doesn’t know any boys, ask your female friends to invite some! And vice versa! If you have siblings, use their group of friends. Then repeat this regularly until your group feels comfortable. We all need each other.