All kinds of situations can trigger emotions. That’s life! It’s important to remember that resolving the situation won’t change our emotions. The ideal way is usually to start by addressing our emotions.
Aline was supposed to bring the birthday cake to her nephew’s party, but she completely forgot and arrived empty-handed. Her sister, Julie, is furious; the stores are closed, and it’s too late to buy a cake. Ah… the crisis! Julie is filled with anger, and Aline is filled with shame. A classic situation. Sometimes it’s a broken promise, sometimes it’s negligence, sometimes it’s a broken pot or a misunderstanding. And face to face, there’s an angry person and a person covered in shame.
To appease the other person’s anger, the person responsible will try to repair their mistake, but often, even by repairing the mistake, the anger doesn’t completely disappear. Moreover, by repairing the mistake, the shame doesn’t completely disappear either. Why? Because emotions are a separate issue that must be dealt with separately. And no one else but us can manage our emotions. “Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can fully share its joy” (Proverbs 14:10 NLT). We cannot resolve another person’s anger, and even with kind words of encouragement, we cannot resolve another person’s shame. Each person has their own struggle, and if we want to find a viable solution to the problem, it’s best to address our emotions first.
When Cain’s offering was rejected, God told him to be careful with his anger. “So the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it” (Genesis 4:6-7 NKJV). God didn’t ask him to resolve the cause of his anger, but to let go of it. Because remaining angry can lead to other problems. In Ephesians 4:26-27, it doesn’t say that we should resolve the cause of our anger, but to not remain angry. “In your anger do not sin : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold” (NIV).
Because when we let go of anger, our way of looking at the person responsible for the crisis changes. Instead of looking at them with angry eyes, we look at them with God’s eyes. This helps us forgive and calmly find a solution. Similarly, when we let go of the shame of having made a mistake, we see the situation less dramatically and can find a more rational solution to the problem.
Finally, when we realize that the anger of the offended person is not ours, we stop trying to resolve it or excuse it. When we recognize that it is the person who is ashamed who must resolve their emotions, we give them space to heal. We can, of course, help our brothers and sisters calm their anger, but ultimately, it is our responsibility to take care of our souls.
The solution to the problem can wait until tomorrow; today, let’s start by resolving our emotions about it.