We wouldn’t want people to be able to read our minds. It would feel like a terrible invasion of our privacy! Still, some singles don’t dare to disclose their feelings. “He should have known without me having to tell him!” Contradictory?
The scenario is sad and unfortunately classic. The young woman developed deeper feelings for one of her longtime friends. She does him favors, does activities with him. She even baked him cookies, and he is very grateful and friendly with her. Then one day he tells her about a girl he met at another event, and he fell in love with her. “How could he fall in love with another girl! I’ve been showing him my love, my interest, my deep friendship for months!” Had she told him the feelings of her heart? “No, but he should have known! It was obvious!”
Ah… the unspoken! And it’s not just in love that it can hurt. A girl is angry with her friend, but her friend has no idea why. Her friend sees the anger but doesn’t know where it is coming from. Or, a church member is hurt by the pastor’s words, and the pastor is unaware of the reason. The pastor frequently sees that member in the church, the member has become cold and closed, and the pastor does not know why. If we see someone irritated with us, we can ask them why. But sometimes, just asking them why can light up a bomb of indignation. So to avoid that, we prefer not to ask. However, life will be much simpler if we dare to speak. “Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift” (Matthew 5:23-24 NKJV).
When we want something, it is much easier to ask for it too. Instead, we make all kinds of innuendos and hope that others will guess. That is what Jesus taught. “So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you” (Luke 11:9 NKJV). Jesus didn’t say give all kinds of signals, and we will guess your need. He said to ask. It is always better to talk to God about our needs first, maybe the solution will come directly from Him, but God also uses His children to meet their needs. If you have a problem, it is wise to ask for help or advice. Or if you don’t like something, you can simply report it, instead of waiting for your dissatisfaction to be noticed.
Because trying to attract attention with pity or a frown is manipulation. That is certainly not what Christ did when He walked on Earth. It’s a way of attracting attention, it’s a form of pride, so it’s a sin. And above all, it doesn’t lead to anything except unmet expectations and a breakdown in the relationship. Yes, the Holy Spirit knows all things, but even if the other is filled with the Holy Spirit, that does not mean that he will be able to know your thoughts before you even speak about them! Too many love stories fail because one of the two partners has not been honest in their feelings. And yes, even if you are a woman, you can say something too if your heart starts to beat faster in a friendship. Better to be clear and transparent about it than to cling to an imaginary love. Being honest is also a way to protect our hearts.
Besides, we will need this habit of being frank once we are married. Even though our partner will learn our tastes and what makes us happy, if we want a beautiful romantic evening to our liking, it is always better to be clear about what we would like about this evening. Letting the other partner guess what would make us happy is dangerous and puts too much pressure on the other. We’re here to help each other, let’s help each other have fun too!
So, practice now! If you would like to chat with one of your friends, don’t wait for him or her to call you. Make the phone call yourself! And if you have strong feelings for someone, talk with God first, and with His endorsement, speak up! We don’t have time for guessing games!