That is probably the greatest fear of Christian singles and the dominant question during dating. Yet in God, we can find there the peace we need to make this big decision.
Behind the fear of marrying the wrong person is the idea that only one person is “the right one”. But the idea of a soul mate is not biblical, as we have often explained. This idea is even dangerous because it could encourage us to divorce when the tensions in the couple begin. We will think that we have chosen the wrong person, and we believe that the way to fix this mistake is to leave this relationship. Which is not the will of God either!
In the Word of God, it clearly states that a Christian must marry a person of the same faith as them. So if we decide to marry an unsaved person, we can effectively say that we made a wrong choice. We certainly will not be able to fulfill the plan God had for us, but with sincere repentance, we can honor God in this marriage and serve otherwise. When God saved us, it was to accomplish a particular plan. It was not we who chose God, it was He who chose us for a strategic reason (John 15:16). If we do not take the right path, but are repentant and then willing to start walking in the right direction again, God will find a way to use us to make His kingdom grow. We can give glory to God in the situation we are in, even if our life is not the ideal God intended for us.
We, like Abraham’s servant, can add other criteria in our choice of a partner. These criteria will help us choose someone with whom it will be easier to live, with whom we will be more compatible. But if we don’t take the time to assess our compatibility before marriage and then realize that we should have recognized these red flags, we may say that we lacked wisdom in our choice. Our life will be much more complicated, the quarrels more abundant, and the obstacles to our service for God will also be multiplied. But we will have to live up to our commitment and find common ground.
Choosing to marry someone who is abusive or has addiction issues is certainly not a wise choice either. We must not think that we can change the other person once we are married. Or maybe, the person was so manipulative during dating that we didn’t realize what a mess we were getting into. It indeed was a bad choice then, and we will have a lot of work to do to restore peace.
The big question is what can we do as a Christian if we make the wrong decision. If we are prepared for the consequences, then we will be more vigilant in our choice. The important thing to keep in mind is that marriage is a commitment before God to stay with that person. After all, in our vows, we swear fidelity for life. So we should not believe that if we realize that we got married to the “wrong person”, that we only have to divorce to correct this mistake. Although the Bible allows divorce in certain circumstances, this is the last option we should consider. We will first have to go through times of repentance (on both sides), to pastoral or psychological counseling, to make extraordinary efforts to keep our commitment. But even a bad choice can become a good choice with the grace of God.
In short, there is not just one good person to marry, and therefore, you cannot miss the right person for you. If you follow God’s precepts, (that this person is a Christian) and take the time to properly analyze your relationship (some essential criteria). You will not marry the wrong person. Go forward, trusting in God, having received your confirmation from the Holy Spirit, and not just trusting your emotions.