A piece of advice that we often hear is: don’t pretend to be someone we are not. And it is true. However, this advice should not be used as an excuse not to improve.
What does it mean to be yourself for Christian singles? For those who have the gift of celibacy, it means not forcing yourself to enter into a relationship to please the family or to be like everyone else. It is to rejoice in the gift that God has given (because it is rare!), to honor this special grace, the state in which we are. For singles who have not received this gift, to be yourself in our search for a partner is not to change the core of our personality to be more attractive. If we like to eat good steaks, we shouldn’t pretend to be vegetarians to please a pretty young woman who doesn’t eat meat.
It is also not to compromise our faith because we cannot find a Christian partner. Our salvation is much more important than our status. We must not change the core of our personality, the values that are essential for us, only to be accepted by the majority. That is true in love, but also for all areas. We will always regret sacrificing our morality, our fundamentals, our character, to fit a mold. Therefore, you should never force another person to abandon their deep values, passions, and personality to enter into a relationship with them. In love, you have to be yourself, without being shy about it, and let the other person be themselves too.
But being yourself still has its limits! We must not keep our faults just because we want to be ourselves! We should always be improving. Behind the words “He’ll accept me like this, or he doesn’t deserve me” hides a lot of pride. Pride is a sin to be let go. A quote from American author Max Lucado sums it up very well. “God loves you as you are, but He refuses to leave you as you are. He wants to get you to be like Jesus.” We must never sacrifice our values or our personality, but we must sacrifice our bad habits and our faults.
We don’t have to change our appearance to seduce a person, but it also doesn’t hurt to make an effort to present ourselves at our best. Not only on a first date but in every area of our lives. We are the representatives of God on Earth. We must work to become more and more like Christ and take care of the Temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19). We all have our days where we put on our sweat pants, but we can’t wear them all the time hoping that a single person will accept us like that. We must also demonstrate that we know how to take care of ourselves, to demonstrate to a potential partner that we will also know how to take care of him or her.
You have to be yourself when you want a relationship with someone, but you also have to keep improving. It is even very humble and good to reveal our flaws to someone we are starting to hang out with, while also committing to change them. “I know I’m susceptible, but it’s a flaw I’m trying to get rid of.” Instead of declaring: “I am like that, I am susceptible. So you accept me as I am or you go look elsewhere! “ You have to be yourself, yes, but always strive to be the best version of yourself.