A phrase that Christian singles often hear is: “Wait, God is preparing the right person for you.” But even though this sentence sounds very spiritual, it is not biblical and it may even be dangerous.
The first problem with this beautiful thought is the idea of waiting. When we tell singles to wait, we do not encourage them to take essential steps to meet a potential match. We have published an article on this subject where we say that we must not be obsessed with our search, but there are still a few steps we have to take to see this promise. All the promises of God require us to participate. We are all “co-workers” (1 Corinthians 3:9) regarding the work of God after all.
The second problem with this sentence is that it causes Christians to reject everything that is not perfect. When they encounter a potential partner and challenges arise, Christians tend to withdraw too quickly from the relationship. They shrug and say, “Well, that was not the one God had prepared for me!”. If so many Christians are still single it is often because they are not ready to sacrifice for someone else. We must not change the heart of our personality for a relationship to work, but often it is pure pride that leads Christians to break up while they are dating.
This sentence also often leads singles to doubt the person they are dating. “She is good, but maybe God has someone even better for me.” This fear of missing “the one prepared by God”, causes singles to not persevere in their relationships. This doubt is also based on an incorrect vision of marriage. When Christians think this way, it is because they place their own needs first. They look for the person who will best meet their needs, while we should look for the person we want to serve for the rest of our lives.
We live in a world that is constantly seeking its interest, as denounced by Jesus. “But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect” (Matthew 5:44-48 NKJV). We are not talking about getting married to your worst enemy, but we must stop only giving to those who can give back to us. If we call ourselves Christians or followers of Christ our relationships should not be broken because the partners started to look at their own needs instead of looking at each other’s happiness.
Finally, this sentence also implies that there is only one compatible person, which is false. The idea of a soulmate is very romantic, but it is derived from a myth, a Greek philosophy that has nothing to do with the Bible. This places the “prepared” partner on a pedestal, which is rather self-centered. As if the person “prepared by God” has no choice but to be in a relationship and serve them. They think that this person was created for them and them alone. This idea is not very biblical, is it?
So, what can a married person say to the singles they meet if they want to encourage them, instead of this senseless sentence? Maybe: “Do you want to get married? What kind of partner would you like to serve all your life? What are you doing to meet this potential partner? Continue, you are on the right track. I’m going to pray that you will meet lots of good people who will bless your life”. That would certainly be a more useful conversation to have with a single who wants to get married.