The worst mistake to make when it comes to looking for a partner, or even marrying her, is to make that commitment without really knowing what we are doing. So let’s talk about it! What is the role of a man in marriage?
A simple question, simple answer! Ephesians 5.23 (NASB) says: “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.” In the order of things, God has decided that the man is going to be the head of his family. (Women: do not start to cringe when you read this, we’re going to talk about the role of the woman next week, and her role is no less important.) Whether you’re a shy man or you do not have long-term projects, you are still called to guide your family. Do not doubt: if God has created you a man, He has given you all that you need to fulfill your mission. What you think is lacking in your character, the Holy Spirit will fill.
As soon as a woman agrees to marry you, she becomes your responsibility. You will have the responsibility before God to take care of her, to provide for her needs, and as you are the person in charge, you must take all the responsibility. You must give yourself to it just as Christ gave himself to the Church. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5.25 NASB).
Being the head of one’s family means that you must have a direction. Your family will not be able to follow you if you do not know where you are going. But don’t be afraid, you do not need to know God’s plan for your future from A to Z. While dating, you may very well tell your girlfriend that you do not yet know what God is asking you to do in the future, but you seek His will and obey every time the Holy Spirit asks you to do a step. If you are alert to the Holy Spirit and obedient, this should be enough to encourage your partner.
When we talk about having a direction for your family, we are not talking about having professional ambition. Having a good job, with a steady income, is almost always one of the most important criteria for a woman. But the vision you must have for your life is beyond your job. You are called to make a difference in the Kingdom of God, to serve it with your talents and experience. You need to see your family as a way to partake in God’s plan for those around you - which at the same time gives you a vision for your family.
Your wife will not be your mother! She will not be there to do your laundry, cook your meals, and all the other household chores. She will be your ministry partner, your first assistant in your calling, your counselor at times, your source of encouragement at others. If you have no desire to know and follow God’s plan for your life, how can she elevate you in your calling? How can your family follow you if you have no direction? You do not need to know everything, but you must seek the will of God and obey it. Do it even before meeting your future wife! Because it is often as we run in our calling that we meet a partner who matches our interests and enthusiasm.
If you like to be lazy and with a carefree little laugh tell everyone around you that you are, it may be time to repent and change course. “The soul of a lazy man desires, and has nothing; But the soul of the diligent shall be made rich” (Proverbs 13.4 NKJV). A lazy attitude is not attractive.
If you have been hurt in the past and do not feel that you have the guts to guide a family, look for healing first, even if it takes months. Rebuild your identity based on what God says about you. “But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light” (1 Peter 2.9 NKJV). Then let the Holy Spirit give you the same courage that He gave to Joshua. With God, you have everything you need to be a great leader.
If you have never taken the time to think about your vision, do it before looking for a partner. Marriage is much more than sharing a bed, it is a project of life that requires a lot of effort. However, it is a great blessing when we walk in the will of God. “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18.22 NASB).