This is a subject that Christian Singles don’t really want to talk about. Yet everyone has them, except a tiny minority. So, let’s go, let’s talk about it! What to do with our sexual urges when we are single and above all, Christians!
If you do not have the gift of celibacy, you have probably already had thoughts of a sexual nature. Do not be offended or embarrassed, it is not a new phenomenon. The Apostle Paul even spoke about it! “But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (1 Corinthians 7:9 NASB) This is much more than sexual thoughts, but hey, we understand the point the apostle wants to make here.
We know that God asks that sex remains in the bonds of marriage. (If you doubt it, read this other article.) But, sexual thoughts; it’s not like committing the act, right? Think again: Jesus took thoughts very seriously. “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:27-28 NASB) So yes, we have to keep ourselves clean, even in our thoughts.
It is normal to have sexual thoughts. We live in a world that bombards us with sexual images to sell us all kinds of products. Even to sell a bottle of water, they will use lightly dressed women. Most of our television series will present a romantic story at one time or another. All of this ends up lighting up desires.
However, as a Christian, we can not let these desires dominate us. These thoughts or impulses may or may not be inspired by the enemy, but they are always carnal. But it is not because our flesh has desires that we must satisfy them! On the contrary! “Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.” (Galatians 5:24 NASB)
So, practically, what do we do when we have a sexual thought? We must change our thoughts as soon as possible. If you let it go, these thoughts will grow and grow. They will eventually make you feel impulses, sensations and maybe it will lead you to masturbation! Remember, we must not satisfy the desires of our flesh: we must crucify them! In short, as soon as thoughts begin, refuse them and replace them. If you fight them, they will not leave. Do not try to imagine a pink elephant! In order for these thoughts to disappear, they must be changed by others that are edifying. “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” (Philippians 4:8 NASB)
Talk to God about it, remember that you are the temple of the Holy Spirit, it should cool your passions pretty quickly. The more you become accustomed to changing your thoughts as soon as they arrive, the less frequent these thoughts will be. “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh.” (Galatians 5:16 NASB) You can be frank with your heavenly Father too. “Lord, my flesh has desires… but I’m Single so I refuse those thoughts. I choose to sacrifice these desires to remain pure in your eyes so that you can be comfortable living in me and through me.
As we have just said, the more you resist these thoughts, the less frequent they will be. In the same way, the more you succumb to the desires of the flesh, the more dominant your flesh will be. If you had a sexually active life in the past, you may have more sexual urges or desires. You will have to work harder at keeping your thoughts pure. Another reason to keep sex inside God’s plan, which is marriage. We must not awaken love (or sexual desires) before their time (Song of Songs 8:4).
But be perseverant, you will have the victory: Christ has won all the battles on the cross, even those that are in our thoughts.
P.S. Someone recently asked us about “night husbands or wives”. It’s simple: night husbands or wives are demons. DO NOT accept interaction, let alone having sex, with them. If we accept their invitation, a powerful curse will settle in our lives. This could prevent us from getting married, or at least from meeting a partner according to the heart of God. If someone single has had experiences with night husbands or wives, it’s ABSOLUTELY necessary to speak to very strong spiritual authorities in Christ and go through a deliverance session to break all curses.