God has called us to be a holy people, a people set apart. Several passages in the Bible compare salvation to a new birth, a new life. What does that mean in regards to our time of being single or dating?
This will not be a popular post this week. Let’s be direct: a Christian single should not behave like non-Christian singles. Paul says in his letter to the Romans that we should not conform to this world (Rom. 12.2). We should not do what the people in the world are doing, and not even worry as they do. Especially since this is how we manage our celibacy.
What would a Christian single look like? Many respond without hesitation, but with varying degrees of conviction, no sex before marriage. This is actually what God wants. Sex should be exclusive to those who have a commitment. Those that have sworn fidelity before God and men. (Doubts on this subject, read our other article.)
Others will say that being a Christian single is to seek a person of the same faith. Which is also true. “Don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship have righteousness and iniquity? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14 WEB) However, these two arguments, although essential, could be followed by anyone who is religious. Some unbelievers even choose to keep themselves for marriage. Not for a spiritual reason, but for the romance.
So, what should Christian singles really be? How different can they really be from non-Christian singles?
They will have a personal communion with God
In the dating process, and even before, they will consult God first. Each person is different. For some of his children, God will not allow them to do the such or such an action; to others, God will demand something else. God’s plan is different for each person. After Jesus told Peter what would happen to him (John 21:18), Peter pointed to John and asked Jesus what would happen to John. Jesus answered: “If I desire that he stay until I come, what is that to you? You follow me.” (John 21:22) Or in other words : “It’s none of your business what happens to him. You, do what is asked of you.” What does God want you to do while you’re single?
They will have a spiritual purpose
Being single is not a time for waiting. Some people don’t dare to do anything while they are single, believing that their “real” life will begin once they are married. What a waste of time! Before getting married God can use us mightily. It’s often when we are running with a passion for God that we meet our future life partner. Being different from the world, for Singles, is to serve God to the best of our ability, our gifts, and talents. With an undivided calendar and heart.
They will find the tools to remain firm
A Christian single, serious in his relationship with Christ, will not want to become lukewarm while looking for a partner. To avoid falling, or to avoid becoming too preoccupied with our search, it is good to be held accountable by a spiritual authority. Someone who will be there to watch us and put on the brakes when we move too fast or in the wrong direction.
They will seek the advice of the wise
When we are single, we usually ask several people for advice. We are so excited about our relationship, that we will ask almost everyone: “What do you think of this guy? This girl?”. Advice is good, but only when taken from the wise, the people who can guide us in God’s will. Seeking the advice of unbelievers is quite useless. This can even be dangerous if we choose to follow their unbiblical advice. The Word of God tells us that relying on “an arm of flesh” or to “put our trust in man” is a concept that always leads to disaster. (2 Chronicles 21.7-8, Ps 118.8 Jeremiah 17.5-8).
Believer or unbeliever, you will need to perform steps to find a partner. Obviously, the believers should not be looking in the same places as the unbelievers! Do not look for a man of God, filled with the Holy Spirit, in a bar or a club! Do not look for a woman with strong convictions on purity on a dating website that encourages one night stands! When you join an activity for singles, ask the Holy Spirit if He is comfortable with where you are.
Being a true Christian single (and not just to wearing the name) is not popular, and neither should it be! There should be a glaring difference between the way you live your life and what the unbelieving singles do. What kind of pictures or jokes do you share on your Facebook wall? Does it clearly demonstrate that you are a Christian single? If an unbeliever could not see the difference between his wall and yours, there is a big problem. Fix it quickly.
Always remember that your salvation is more important than your marital status. Only one of the two will last throughout eternity.